Okay. No updates for a while, sorry about that. It's been rather an odd period. I actually lost all contact with the guides for almost a week at one point; that was scary. I missed them. But I got back on track and I've been having a lot more exchanges with them recently.
I'm still working on this peculiar narrative thing they've got me doing, on and off. Well, more off than on. I guess I'm scared of screwing it up somehow, despite repeated assurances from the guides that this won't happen. Still don't know what it's for or what it is, whether it's supposed to be an account of stuff that actually happened or a fairy-tale or what. They aren't telling.
They've also got me doing this other thing, an art project. I'm supposed to be drawing pictures of all this weird, Voynichy stuff they keep showing me, like odd plants and people doing rituals or something. I've made a bit of a start, but not much. In some ways I wish I'd read less stuff about magick, because I'm always second-guessing myself: is this something the guides are showing me, or something I saw somewhere and have conveniently forgotten till now? Am I creating something new, or just regurgitating stuff that others have done in a garbled, useless form? The guides tell me not to worry, it'll be okay, but I'm very unsure about all of this.
There's also another book they want me to do, but I haven't started that one yet because I need a really specific book, one with red pages. There's some lower, dodgier entity that apparently I need to talk to, but it's so dodgy it needs a seperate book and I've to wrap the book up and keep it away from my stuff, and blah blah blah. Obviously I'm a bit leery about the whole excercise, but it seems that I've somehow got myself in a position where this communication needs to happen, and the guides would rather I did it under controlled circumstances than have this thing come through any old how. They won't or can't tell me what sort of thing it is, whether it's external to me or a part of my own mind that needs to be expressed. Mind you, they haven't told me much about their own natures, on the (fairly reasonable) grounds that I'd reject almost anything they
did tell me.
I got a bit miffed when they said I had to get
another book. I was all, "Whaaat? Do you guys work for a stationary company or something?" But they calmed me down, saying that if I stuck with it it'll all be worth while. You know, I belive them.
Anyhow, without further ado, here's a chat I had earlier today.
Bold is the entities, plain text is me.
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Right. Now, what about this other book, the one with the pictures? What am I supposed to do with that?
Fill it.
Uh, huh. But I don't know what with.
Clear your mind. Do not second-guess yourself. We will guide you.
I'm having a hard time. The pictures keep going wrong.
They do not 'keep going wrong'. You have only made one.
The tree one went wrong. And I made a start on the big yellow flower thing.
You did not complete it. FEAR prevents you. You fear not labour but ceasless, hopeless labour. This we know. Understand: this labour will bear fruit.
What if I'm not good enough?
You are. Hide behind faliure all you wish, but your abilities will seek you out and find you.
But what's it for, anyway? The pix you show me look like an alchemical text or something.
Indeed so. [It is a part of] the great work, the alchemy of the soul, the key to awareness beyond awareness.
Don't get me wrong, but does the world really need another grimoire?
Yes. Have you, in all your searching and striving, found the answers you seek?
Well... no. Not really.
Indeed. That lack haunts you, paralyses you. And behold the fate of those who wrote the texts that you speak of: hubris, addiction, murder, disease, death; all manner of cruelty they inflicted. All manner of selfishness, they preached.*
That's a bit harsh, innit?
It is the truth. And the knowing of this truth is an element of your fear. You fear to inflict suffering. "Better to be weak," your heart says, "than to be villianous; better to suffer in weakness than to be the author of suffering."
And in this you are right, and wise. But that is not the choice at hand. We will not lead you into selfishness. Instead, we will aid you in aquitting yourself in those tasks that affect others. We will help you win free of fear, and give you strength.
Be at peace, now.
*Obviously that's not universally true, but it's true of the texts I had in mind at the time.
